Squirrel Is In

Vacation Bible school, long naps and camping hazards...

This has been and will continue to be a really busy week.  We are having vacation bible school and I am helping with 17 1st graders from 8:30am until 12 noon every day this week.  On Thursday night we are having family night at the church so I will be really busy. 

I haven't had a chance to read anyone's blogs as I am so exhausted when I get home at 12:30 I am napping all afternoon, the the hubby gets home and plays POGO games until almost bedtime.  The only reason i'm able to post right now is because hubby went to the other room for a minute and I jumped on here to post real quick. 

I hate summer!  I have to share the computer with EVERYONE way too much!

We had a great time camping although it rained a lot.  Our tent held up really well in the rain but we have decided that this will be our last year to camp in a tent.  We are planning on looking for a camper for next year.  We are just getting too old to sleep on the ground.  Ok well we weren't exactly on the ground because we bought an air mattress.  But we really can't stand not having air conditioning!

Well I'd better get off here before the POGO master returns and see's i've hijacked the computer!

Letting down the preacher and my coconut cream pie downfall

I feel like such a freaking heel!!!!!  I'm sure there are worse things you could do than what I did, like commit murder or rob a bank!!!!!!!  I promised the pastor of our church on Sunday that I would come to the church this morning at 9:30am and take care of some kids while he was attending a funeral.  I FORGOT!!!!!!!!!!!  At 10:40am I get my lazy ass out of bed and remember.  I race to the church and the people are starting to come out of the church.  I feel horrible!  I haven't gotten to talk to him.  I wrote him a card and put it in the mail and then I sent him an e-mail.  Oh well.  I'm sure he will forgive me.  Pastors kinda have to don't they? LOL (actually that was a very nervous LOL not a jovial one)

OK on to the diet report.

Day one:

10:00am: I took two Trimspa and drank a big glass of water.

11:00am: I have drank two more glasses of water, those pills make me thirsty.

11:30am: I'm getting a little hungry so I ate two french toast sticks.

1:30pm: I am getting hungry again.  I took the mid-day Trimspa and drank another glass of water.

1:45pm: I ate 1/8 of a piece of coconut creme pie.  Not exactly eating diet foods am I?!

3:00pm: I have drank 6 glasses of water and my eyeballs are floating.  Still, I'm not that hungry.

5:30pm: I just took the evening Trimspa.  I'm getting hungry again and I think i'm going to go eat a steak for dinner.

6:30pm: I ate a steak, corn, squash and a dinner salad for supper.  I seriously eyed the dessert menu but successfully avoided it.  Secretly though I knew I had Coconut Cream pie in the fridge at home! Mwahahahaha....

7:30pm: I went to the grocery store and bought strawberry and french vanilla slim fast for tomorrow.  "No more Coconut Cream Pie!" is my new motto.

8:00pm:  Decided that it would be a crime to let the Coconut Cream pie go to waste since the kids don't like coconut and making my husband eat it would be wrong since he is fatter than me.

Anxiety, Sunday School and astrology...

I've decided to go tan in a tanning bed today.  I've never done it before and I'm a little nervous.  But almost everything makes me nervous these days.  The closer this custody hearing gets the more nervous I get.  Last night I told my husband I think i'm going to have to go to the doctor and get Valium or Xanax just to walk into that court room.  My heart rate actually goes way up and pounds really hard when the phone rings when his ex wife calls!  I can only imagine what i'm going to be like at the hearing.  My husbands ex has verbally attacked me so many times and threatened to beat me up (yeah I know, very mature huh?!) that I get this fight or flight physical reaction to her every time she is present whether she is being threatening or not.

1/2 hour later...

What was I talking about?  Oh yes my anxiety.  I just got a call from one of the committee members from our church.  They are asking me and my husband to teach a childrens Sunday School Class!  I am not a kid person.  I love my own kids but other peoples kids are not my thing.  It's a toss up between 3 and 4 year old boys and girls or 3rd, 4th and 5th grade boys.  My husband and I could teach one of these classes together.  I want the little ones and my husband will want the older boys.  OK wait now that I think about it my husband is really a bossy take charge guy.  If we take the older boys he will take over the class and I will just be his assistant.  That sounds better.  Because if we take the little ones he'll just sit there while I take care of all these little screaming kids.  Did you see that?  You all just witnessed a Libra in action weighing all the options in just a few minutes and making up her mind.  Yeah I know astrology and Christianity in the same paragraph.  I'm a very odd Christian I guess.  Don't worry I won't incorporate my astrological beliefs into the Sunday School classroom.  I can imagine the confusion that would cause.  But just between you and me.  Those wise men at the manger scene WERE astrologers. What up with that?!

I know I'm a little wacky...

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away...

I mentioned a few weeks ago that every Sunday I am attending a bible study group on the book of Daniel.  Yesterday as I was sitting there watching the Beth Moore video session I came to a realization.  I am feeling quite PROUD of myself and feeling kind of SELF RIGHTEOUS.  I am feeling SUPERIOR to C-man's mother.  I am feeling like she is getting what she DESERVES.  I am feeling happy as I watch her DOWNFALL.  This is not the kind of person I want to be.  Pride and boasting are deadly sins.  Right now what I am witnessing happening to C-man's mother is something close to what happened to me once when I was seperated from God.  I too lost everything I loved when I turned my back on God, when I was living a life of me, me, me.  I was seperated from my children and I lost my home and my husband when I was feeling PRIDEFUL and SELF RIGHTEOUS.  When I was feeling like nothing could touch ME God humbled me.  He took it all to show me I was not ABOVE OTHERS.  When I repented and gave GOD the glory and broke down and cried out to HIM he GRACIOUSLY gave me everything I ever needed back and more.  I cannot let myself go back to that place of feeling like it won't happen to ME, I AM, and there is no other better than ME.  C-man's mother is being humbled by GOD right now, I need to pray that she will have her eyes opened, that she will see the beautiful gift that God gave her in her son.  I pray that she sees what she has done to him and that she will cry out to God to forgive her and that she will be born anew.

Isaiah 47:8-11 says

"Now listen you wanton creature, lounging in your security and saying to yourself 'I am, and there is none besides me.  I will never be a widow or suffer the loss of children.'  Both of these will overtake you in a moment, on a single day;  loss of children and widowhood.  They will come upon you in full measure, in spite of you many soceries and all your potent spells.  You have trusted in your wickedness and have said 'no one sees me.'  Your wisdon and knowledge mislead you when you say to yourself 'I am and there is none besides me.'  Disaster will come upon you and you will not know how to conjure it away.  A calamity will fall upon you and you cannot ward it off with a ransom, a catastrophe you cannot foresee will suddenly come upon you."

The last sentence in Daniel chapter 4 sums it up when after the King of Babylon loses everything because of pride, he finally repents and praises God for his very life.  The last thing King Nebuchanezzar says in Chapter 4 is "And those who walk in pride He is able to humble".  The King  of Babylon is then restored and he gets back all that he lost and more.

I just wanted to add that these words are in no way meant to imply that losing children or being widowed is always because you are being punished by God.  Sometimes things happen for other reasons only known by God.

Partying, baptizing, bleaching and possible pouncing...

Happy Monday everyone!  I hope you all had a great weekend.  I had a few things go on over the weekend.  My sisters husband had his 40th birthday Saturday.  My sister had a surprise party for him Saturday night.  We had a lot of fun and he was very surprised.  He got an Eddie survival kit for his birthday from one of his friends.  It consisted of a 12pack of Coors Light, a beer coozy, a pack of Marlboro lights and a lighter.  Everyone was drinking.  Jen (my sister) had something called Jello shots which was jello with some kind of alcohol in it.  My hubby and I don't really drink much and we were getting baptized the next day so we didn't drink.  We didn't want to have hang overs when we got baptized!  I did have two Jello shots though, Jen twisted my arm. 

Sunday Hubby, T-man and I got baptized and they had communion so it was a nice Sunday morning.  Later that day I bleached T-mans fuzz on the top of his head blonde.  There wasn't much hair left after the football team got a hold of him last week.  The whole team is bleaching their hair now.  Hubby thinks this is all really cool.  The football coach says if the team goes 6-0, he will bleach his hair too.  The whole thing with the hair really makes no sense to me.  I think they all look nuts.  The high school team is 3-0 now.  They won Friday nights game.  We had to drive two hours to get to that game.

C-man went to his supervised visit this weekend. 

When Hubby took C-man to his grandmothers Friday night his mother was there.  Saturday morning Hubby picked him up to go to football practice.  When Hubby took him back over to his grandmothers house C-man's mother Rabid was not there.  Sunday night when we picked him up he said his mother was not there for the visit until 15 minutes before we got there on Sunday night to pick him up.  She was in full racing mode and was running around the house gathering up clothes.  Hubby said she was real nice and talking a hundred miles an hour.  She gave us a big bag full of winter clothes and said when it gets colder she will dig out C-mans snow boots and give them to us.  She said she would send a bag full of clothes until all his clothes were at our house.  Oh yes, she also said some of the clothes were dirty and to tell Kelly she was sorry for that. 

First off I was SHOCKED she was being nice. To ME.

Second, I was SHOCKED she seems to be resigned to the fact C-man is going to be living with us permanantly and she is giving us ALL his clothing.

Thirdly, I was SHOCKED that C-man has been with us since May and she hasn't washed his last winters clothing.  YUCK!

So, either Rabid Squirrel is liking it that she no longer has C-man to deal with, or she is trying to get us to let our guard down so she can pounce with another attack...

Notice I didn't say I was shocked she only spent 15 minutes with her son on Sunday?  Unfortunately that is becoming the norm.

Repairs are being made...

Today I called the pastor of the church and asked to come in and talk to him.  Hubby said he would go with me.  The pastor made me feel much better when he told me a story about a man who jumped up and joined the church leaving his wife still sitting in the pew.  It could be worse.  At least people weren't staring at me while my husband joined without me. 

We are going to go to the Wednesday night service and I am going to join.  Sunday morning Hubby, T-man and I are going to get baptized together along with 7 other people.  Hubby and I along with the pastor decided that C-man, not having been going to church very long and he is so young and doesn't understand the concept, will not be baptized at this time.  He will be visiting his mother this weekend and won't be there anyway so that way he won't feel left out. I was baptized when I was twelve in the Assemblies of God church but this church states in their by-laws that you must be baptized in the baptist church to be a member of the church.  So I'm going to do it again.  I don't mind.  Like I told the pastor today "that way we can do SOMETHING as a family" ; )  Hubby was sinking lower and lower into the couch.  Poor guy.  I felt a little sorry for him.  He was trying to do good, he just got a little excited and FORGOT ME.

Ok that will be my last post dogging him on THIS issue.

I love you honey and I forgive you!

Bad squirrel, bad, bad squirrel!!!

The visits from concerned church members has begun.  I think i'm going to have to get mad at him all over again.  Two sweet older ladies from the church came tonight while hubby was at football practice.  They wanted to see how I was feeling.  They wanted to make sure I really wanted to join the church.  I'm going to pop his little squirrel head off when he gets home. 

Notice the new catagory... "Hubby's in trouble"

PMS and hell

Please before reading this, have a moment of silence for those who lost their lives and loved ones this day 5 years ago.  I know I should probably post something about 9/11 but i'm just not very eloquent and don't feel like I could do it any justice. 

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Now on to my crybaby rant... 

Bonnie is having one of those weeks too.  It seems as though when I am either starting my period or before my period my husband has to say or do something so incredibly hurtful just so he can blame my reaction on my "unstable emotions".

Sunday morning I had cramps.  Bad.  I told him I didn't want to go to church.  He decided to go alone.  He comes home from church and tells me that he joined the church.  Without me!  I WANTED TO DO THIS AS A FAMILY.  He stood up at the end of the service and walked up in front of the whole congregation and JOINED THE CHURCH.  Did I mention he did this WITHOUT ME?!!!!!!!!!!  My itsy bitsy unimportant feelings are SOOOOO hurt I have been crying pretty much non stop since he came home from church yesterday at noon.  Yes noon, 15 minutes later than usual because he stood with the minister at the doorway and shook hands with everyone exiting while the congratulated him on joining the church.  WITHOUT ME.  My eyes are practically swelled shut from crying.

The last church we went to he was a member already.  I asked to be a member and after a 6 months of not being acknowledged I finally stopped going.  My feelings were hurt.  It was a small church of 20 people and they were rejecting me.  So I started going here and for the past month I have been trying to get my husband to join.  Every week he says no.  Then the ONE day I don't go, he JOINS WITHOUT ME!

Am I just being ridiculous?  He says "you can join next week".  Everyone i've seen join over the past two months have joined AS FAMILIES.  Not only did he JOIN WITHOUT ME the minister makes an announcement that I am not there because I am "under the weather".  When there are at least two families who were there that saw me jumping up and down screaming at the PEE WEE football game the day before.  They probably don't believe I was "under the weather" and are wondering what the heck my husband was doing joining WITHOUT ME. 

My husband says "the spirit just came over him to join".  Well now I am thinking, first the Methodist won't let me join and now "THE SPIRIT" is telling my husband to join this church WITHOUT ME!!!  Is this God's way of saying "remember the time you got pissed at me for things going bad in your life and you said 'I hate you'?  Now I don't want YOU!".  It says in the bible that blasphemy of the holy spirit is an unforgivable sin.  Is that what I did?  Now God is rejecting me?  I don't think I want to go back to church.  I'm going to Hell and there is nothing I can do about it.

I know some of you out there don't believe a word of what i'm saying about God and Hell.  That's your right, and I don't judge anyone for that.  Please go easy on me here.  I'm beating myself up enough.

Update:

I have been thinking about this all day, so I decided to get some advice from my resident blogosphere minister Gordon over at Heavenly Heartburn.  He made me feel alot better!

After sending an e-mail pretty much saying what I did in the above post he asked for a few more details so I sent this e-mail:

Gordon,

I, at a very low point in my life screamed out to God that I hated him.  I have been so scared that what I did was blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.  That bible passage is so unclear as to what that means. What is blasphemy of the spirit?  Everytime I start to believe that what I did was forgivable something like this happens and I start to hear this voice telling me that I commited the unforgivable sin and cannot be forgiven.  (no i'm not schizophrenic!)  My husband and I are not having marriage problems, so I don't know why he did this other than God telling him to and showing me he is welcome but I am not, or maybe my husband is just a numbskull and wasn't thinking ~ : )  Two VERY different ways to look at the situation I am fully aware!  It makes me feel much better when you said you think if someone did commit this unforgivable sin they wouldn't care, BECAUSE I CERTAINLY CARE!!

Kelly

His response to me:

Kelly,

Thanks for sharing your testimony of how you know the Lord.

The blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is generally defined as attributing the works of the Holy Spirit to Satan.

There are many instances in the Bible where people were angry with God (Jonah and Jeremiah among others) and some who even denied God (Peter, for one) and yet were restored to fellowship. You can also look at the life of David, he committed adultery, murdered someone to cover that up and generally made a mess of his life, family and kingdom, and it was after all of this that God called him a "man after my own heart."

As far as your husband joining the church without you, farbeit from me to call him a "numbskull" :) but I do know that we fellows can overlook the importance of things that mean a lot to the ladies. I certainly don't believe that it was in any way God trying to tell you that He doesn't want you or that you shouldn't join that church.

Blessings,

Gordon

 

So, I guess i'm not being rejected by God. 

I suppose I'll forgive my numbskull husband for not waiting on me and i'll stop crying. 

About THIS : )