Is this molestation or not?

I am just sick!!!  Remember when we made that police report when C-man's grandmother dragged him out of a closet and banged his head on the bed frame and he told the police officer that his mother smokes weed?  The police officer turned it in to child services and we were so happy. Child services came to our house and C-man told her all about the abuse at his mothers house.  Well the other day WE get a letter stating that the abuse was NOT confirmed and the letter had not just C-mans name on it but MY teen sons name on it too and he wasn't even involved!! AND the letter was addressed to my husband and stated that although the abuse was not confirmed that they reccommend that since there is a history of drug use in OUR home that WE go to counselling.  All this shit happened at my husbands EX's house not OURS!  So I think theres got to be a mistake.  I call Child Services and talk to the supervisor.  She tells me that they know that it happened at her house but we get the same form letter she gets when the investigation is over.  I told her it makes it sound like WE are guilty of child abuse too!  I asked her what would have happened if the abuse at C-mans mothers home would have been confirmed.  She tells me that C-man would have been put into a foster home!!!  Even though the abuse didn't happen at our house and WE were the ones who reported it!!!

Now fastforward one week since I talked to her to last night.  C-man has a rash on his chest so I am asking him what he has put on his body (like cologne or lotion)  he tells me that his mother put blueberry lotion "all over me" after SHE gave him a bath.  He is almost 9 years old and I think it is totally bizzare that she is bathing him and putting lotion "all over" him.  So I asked where does she put lotion on you and he says "all over my naked body even my butt, balls and penis".  He then says he tells her not to but she says she has to so he'll "have soft skin".  Maybe i'm just a prude but I haven't put lotion on my sons private parts since he was about a year and a half old.  I want to call child services on her but my husband is terrified that they will put him in a foster home this time.  So he calls her and tell her not to do it and her response was to yell "I have been doing it since he was a baby and i'm NEVER going to stop!".  She then hung up on him.  My husband just wants to wait and have our lawyer ask her about it on the stand in 4 weeks during the custody hearing.  I am freaking out thinking the crazy bitch is molesting him. My husband got really upset with me when I said I was calling CPS.  He is scared because he says one of two things will happen if I call Child Services. 1. They tell us not to take him over there and they do an investigation.  The judge finds out we aren't letting him go to his mothers like the last time and he get's mad and gives C-man back to his mother and we lose custody.  Last time we turned her in to Child Services they told us not to let him go over there and then they said the abuse was unconfirmed the judge got mad and his mother got more visitation than before and we got seriously chewed out by the judge. OR 2. We turn her in and the findings are confirmed and C-man goes into foster care.  So if I call CPS my husband will probaly lose his son either way and he will divorce me.  He thinks it is not molestation but just a creepy thing she is doing and he thinks now that she knows he knows and is disaproving of it she will stop.  I can't sleep.  Am I making too big a deal of this?

Comments

[crazedreamer1]

I truly do not know where you get the courage to deal with all her crap. I know it's horrible but I wish she'd just get hit by a bus already.

[Jean-Luc Picard]

Is this justice, Squirrel? Things are crazy!

[Erin]

First - you need to call that woman back and find out exactly why he would go to a foster home if the abuse happened in her home. You really need to clarify I think and explain to her exactly what is going on and why you need to know.

Second - Call Child services and report her. It is NOT just creepy, it is molestation in my opinion. Normally I am always the one to blow something off but c'mon, you are smart, you know what it is... and so will child services.

Third - You need to call your lawyer ASAP and see what you can be done. Tell him what he said and find out if you can get another judge, one that actually should be on the damn bench

(okay, wait, switch 2 and 3 around)

Fourth - deep breath, it will be okay, but you have to convince your husband that this CANNOT be ignored!! Seriously she bathes him??? That in itself is sick, sick, sick! She needs help, and she needs to get away from him!

[squirrel]

Erin: I did ask the chs lady why he would go into foster care if it didn't happen at our house. She said that is just the way the system works he would go into foster care until it went in front of a judge and it could take up to 6 months because of the over crowded court system!!

Jean-Luc: That is an understatement!

Crazed: Me too!

[bluepaintred]

what the best course is, sit c man down and explain improper and prper touching. tell him that what she is doingis wrong and he will slowly stand up to her. When she realises he will not lay passivly she may stop. get a hold of the lawyer right now and tell him whats what.

with the us justice sytem i am more inclined to go with your husband and Dont call the CPS

also, take him into the doctors to get his rash documneted but try to let cman explain where all the lotion was or the doc will report it for you.

[Curious Servant]

Bizarre. I see you have changed the look of the place. and the name... The Squirel's Nest... hmmmm... I suppose people wouldn't understand if you called it "The Drey".

(Thanks for your supportive comments lately.)

[Titania]

I am so sickened I have no idea what to say. This woman is just evil and some justie has to come about. The system is flawed and it goes to show why so many children are being assaulted and abused because of shit like this. Just because she is the biological parent means jack shit. She is unfit, mentally unstable and incompentent. Why are they so damn blind?!!!

I will have to double up on my prayers for you. Something has to give.

(((((((hugs))))))

[neobluepanther]

Thats a strange way for justice to work!

I am sure you will figure out the right thing to do and everything will work out great!

[lone grey squirrel]

squirrel,
You are a great mom doing what a great mom should do. I am unfamiliar with your US Justice system but it does seem loss in bureaucacy. I'd like to think there was some common sense in the system but.....? I'm just shooting blindly here but bluepaintred's suggestion of getting a doctor to make the "discovery" seems like an option. Pray for guidance from God before you act. He listens and He cares.

[josh from Gabbatha]

I hope things get better for you.

[Lynda]

I think you should talk to your lawyer, express your concerns and have him work for you. If he thinks that it is serious enough to go before a judge, I am sure there are ways for him to make it happen. It seems like it would be a gray area. If she was just putting lotion on him, and not fondling him in any way, then the system probably would not call it molestation. Look at moms that breast feed their 5 year olds. Some people really have a problem with that, others think it is fine.

You might also want to check with C-man and see if there is anything else his mom has done to make him feel uncomfortable. Just ask him if there is anything about visiting his mom that he wants to talk about. If you just ask him how it went, he probably will just say "Fine!"

And if his mom thinks he really needs that lotion, then he should be putting it on himself. That woman needs help. (The system needs help too, but that is a whole other comment.)

[squirrel]

I have had so many comments on this subject I thought I would just address you all here: Thank you for your words of wisdom and support!!! I am kind of a loner and this is my major way of getting it out.
One person I would like to specifically address is Lynda. I totally agree on CPS probably wouldn't consider this molestation unless C-man said he was getting an (I can't even type the word and he isn't. My husband asked him how long her hands were there and he said just a second) I specifically was thinking about that video on your site also about the 8yr old breastfeeding. I know that they think nothing much about children bathing with thier parents because I asked the CPS lady last time she was here about his mother bathing him and she described it as "a lifestyle choice". I honestly don't think they will do anything about it.